A stinky pile of wedding cheese yesterday
The day every DJ dreads has finally come: someone has asked you to play at their wedding. The question is, how do you deal with it?
Some simply refuse point blank. Rude, but probably wise. Others take the plunge and treat it like a normal gig. This can work, depending on the crowd, but it’s risky, and you’re going to have a battle on your hands fending off furious requests for Black Eyed Peas . It can be quite shocking how angry Cheryl Cole fans get when you tell them you dont have any Cheryl Cole. And they will not believe you either.
Other DJs fully embrace the wedding schtick and do what is expected. It can pay well – much better than proper techno DJing. But it’s degrading. It’s a lot like being a sex worker. Sometimes you have to put up with a dirty old man who hasn’t had a bath in weeks. This is what it feels like to play David Guetta tunes.
There are moments of hilarity, such as the time a young lady asked us ‘Have you no got anything funky?’ while we were playing James Brown.
And if you’re based around Glasgow it means witnessing The Slosh – a strangely beautiful line-dancing tradition from the 70s carried out exclusively by middle aged women that resembles a David Lynch dream sequence.
Another solution to the wedding problem is to take the middle ground – the Third Way – remain true to your priniciples, but play stuff that people might recognise. This is what Techno Dad Production Unit (aka Dave from Glasgow’s Marcia Blaine) has done here. Quality cheese. None of your bright orange processed slices. Maybe the odd touch of Dairylea in places.
LISTEN to Dadcast 9: Production Unit – Mature Cheddar on Mixcloud
DOWNLOAD Dadcast 9: Production Unit – Mature Cheddar
Tracklist:
1 – Intro
2 – Hell Interface – Midas Touch
3 – Spanky Wilson – Sunshine Of Your Love
3 – Inner City – Good Life
4 – Adamski – Killer
5 – Johnny Dangerous – King Of Clubs
6 – Tuff Little Unit – Join The Future
7 – Mujava – Township Funk
8 – Underground Resistance – Mississippi Mutants
9 – Dee-lite – Groove Is In The Heart
10 – Prince – When Doves Cry
11 – Two Of A Kind – Like This
12 – Orbital – Chime (edit)
13 – Innerzone Orchestra – Bug In The Bass Bin
14 – 808 State – Pacific State
15 – S’Express – Theme From S’Express
16 – New Order – Blue Monday
17 – Nexus 21 – Self Hypnosis
18 – Joe Smooth – Promised Land
19 – Drexciya – Bang Bang
20 – Akufen – skidoos
21 – Sesame Street – Grover Discusses Marriage With Jessie
22 – Madonna – Music (acapella)
23 – Dinah Washington – Is You Is Or Is You Ain’t My Baby (Rae & Christian Mix)
24 – Salt N Pepa – Push it
25 – Man 2 Man vs Man Parrish – Male Stripper
26 – Kraftwerk – Numbers
27 – Richard Wagner – Bridal Chorus from ‘Lohengrin’
28 – Janet Jackson vs Liquid – Janet Is Liquid
29 – Snoop/Justin vs Cylob – Flicksigns
30 – Aux 88 – Direct Drive
31 – SL2 – Bassquake
32 – Dj Rolando – Jaguar
33 – Michael Jackson – Beat It
34 – Jonny L – Hurt You So
35 – SL2 – On A Ragga Tip
36 – Blame – 2 Bad Mice Take You
37 – Horsepower – Bolt
When techno went glam
techno dads 
Yep – I fall squarely into the ‘sex worker’ category! I’ve become numb to the degradation and filth now – waking up in the morning with David Guetta stains on my shirt and crusted YMCA in my hair. We don’t get The Slosh down in England unfortunately but I have on more than one occasion instigated the ‘Oops Up Side Your Head’ thing were everyone sits on the floor in a line. And I’ve Do Do Do Done ‘The Conga’. The shame…
Quick update – I played 5 David Guetta tunes tonight.
Is it all over my face?
Yes, I was the willing subject of a David Gukkake